How Do We Forgive?
The countdown has begun. My feet will touch African soil in the country of Rwanda on December 29th. I already know that this will be a transformative experience as I meet with both victims and perpetrators of the 1994 genocide when neighbors committed the worst atrocities against one another. More than one million people were slaughtered with crude weapons of war in a ninety-day period.
Somehow, they found the power to forgive. They found a way to heal and to move forward together. There is no more ethnic recognition of Tutsis and Hutus. They are now one Rwanda. How did this happen? At the core of their forgiveness was the ability for victims to share their stories of grief, trauma, and devastation while the perpetrators listened. The road to this point is revealed in the video, “As We Forgive.” It is required viewing for my study group of fourteen students and citizens traveling under the auspices of George Mason University.
Forgiveness grows when we share our stories
“What project do you want to pursue?” Al Fuertes, my professor, inquired. Without hesitation, I said “I want to talk with storytellers and artists, women especially, who have found a sense of identity when all has been ripped away: husbands, children, parents, lovers, and friends. How do they tell their new stories of resilience?”
All of us face loss and disappointment. Some have faced the unbearable. How do we keep putting one foot in front of the other under the most adverse circumstances? I work with organizations where one co-worker cannot forgive another. I work with teams that are divided because of unresolved racial tension. But, in Rwanda, forgiveness has occurred one story at a time. When we look at our own lives, who needs to forgive us and to whom do we need to extend the olive branch? Have you calculated the cost of remaining stuck in your hurt story? I would love to read your responses. I will share my learning journey through this blog while gaining insight into the power of healing and forgiveness in Rwanda.
Kosmos advising editors work as networkers, writers, and ambassadors for Kosmos and the Kosmos Quarterly edition they serve. This intentional group of culture hackers, healers, activists and artists have come together for 100 days to cross-pollinate ideas and share the fruits of their practices with subscribers. Tamara brings her extensive knowledge and heart-felt passion for diversity and inclusion awareness and training.
In just over a week, I will stand in the middle of my own miracle. I will stand before fifteen hundred international members and guests at the Toastmasters Convention in Vancouver, Canada and vie to become an 
In some ways, I was right. My style of speaking in the world of leadership and organization development was one of giving presentations with a professorial style. I had been a professor for over fifteen years. It was a hard habit to break. Being a Toastmaster over nine years has helped me to gain “platform skills,” the precision of using the stage as performance and engaging audiences to be of service to them. It was not about how much I knew and displaying my knowledge and expertise for all to marvel.
If you have ever had a dream without a plan, it is no wonder you might feel stuck, like me. Once I decided to pursue this big, audacious goal, I mapped a strategy. But, first, I had to see the vision. I had to see me on the big stage. So, I took a picture last year of me in front of the big jumbotron screen with the Accredited Speaker logo in the background. This picture anchored my vision. I would be on a journey like any (s)hero in a story. I needed help and I reached out. I found many hands reaching back to me to support my journey. When I received less than great reviews on my practice speeches, each critique made the speech stronger, made me more resilient.